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*Many thanks to K-Y for sponsoring this post! As always, the thoughts and opinions expressed below are entirely my own.
I think you guys know by now that I like to keep it real. And any parent knows a thing or two about sex, right? I mean the egg definitely comes before the chick! LOL. And I think that any parent also knows about how much our sex lives morph and change along the parenthood journey. But sex lives are complicated way before that– the relationship women have with sex usually starts earlier than marriage, babies, and family. Earlier this year, right before Valentine’s day, I wrote a post about K-Y® Yours+Mine® Couples Lubricants® and how I love the brand’s outlook on female empowerment and intimacy.
K-Y recently shared with me their initiative to encourage women to take back their power in the bedroom, and I thought I would share a bit with you today about my own journey towards discovering intimacy on my own terms. It’s an area that I feel is so very important for women! How can we be fully empowered if we aren’t getting what we want in our sexual encounters?!
Figuring out this arena for myself has been an adulthood-long journey, and something I’m still finding my voice with. My first relationship ever was in College, with an older guy who I went to school with. He was my first serious boyfriend, my first sex ever, and to be totally honest the power imbalances in that relationship set the tone for sex for me for years to come. He was definitely the alpha in our relationship, and I was kind of just happy to be there. I didn’t know much about equality in relationships at all, least of all sexually. I thought my only purpose in bed was to please him and to make sure he was satisfied. If I wasn’t, I just kind of figured that it was beside the point. He wasn’t very interested in getting to know what satisfied me either.
Looking back, I can see that being in that type of nonreciprocal relationship (sexually and in other ways) wasn’t good for us individually or for our relationship. I think that deep down, me not being sexually satisfied made him insecure, and made our relationship even weaker. When I emerged from the relationship two years later, I knew even less about myself sexually and as a woman. It took me many years, and many relationships, to feel comfortable with my own sexual desires, and to be assertive in the bedroom. With all of the incredible strides we’ve made as women in our culture recently, isn’t it so bizarre that so many of us still don’t speak up in our own bedrooms? K-Y feels, and so do I, that the true health of society exists in women being empowered in every single way– and that includes sexually!
One of the best parts about being in a committed, monogamous relationship is that I can grow that comfort level with my husband, and we can communicate freely. It’s so good to know that we can evolve in our relationship in all ways, including sexually. And as we all know, becoming parents can really take the spark out of a relationship if you’re not careful. I’ve been really loving K-Y® Yours+Mine® Couples Lubricants®. It’s a two tube set of pleasure gel that each deliver a different sensation: one for you, and one for your partner. I think staying playful in the bedroom really keeps those lines of communication open, which is always great for a marriage!
Have you tried K-Y Yours+Mine? I’d also love to hear if you’ve had a journey towards owning your own sexuality, and how you feel about sex now. It’s so important that we all discuss topics like this openly, so we know that we are all figuring it out together!
Photographs by Julia Dags
Hi Eva and other readers,
I think it’s really important to be aware that using KY products means inserting toxic ingredients (hydroxyethyl cellulose, chlorhexidine gluconate, glucono delta-lactone, methylparaben, and sodium hydroxide) inside our bodies.
Please let’s at least be transparent about this when endorsing products.
There are other ways to grow intimacy than to harm the planet and ourselves.
Love eva’s Blog but I agree about the ingredients. Many just aren’t aware. Thanks for saying so!
Where did you get that robe from? ?
From Anthropologie! They don’t have it anymore, but they do have some similars
Thanks for this post. Im not a mom yet but it is so important as you stated that we all know our own bodies. Sexually active or not.
To know what you want, pleasures you and what you dont or dislike or not ready to try, should empower you in the bedroom and beyond. Its funny how it makes you speak up and set your ground.
Im gonna have to give the KY a try …
Agree!!!
Making more of an effort to traffic and comment on the blog Eva ?? Haven’t tried K Y yet, but sounds like the perfect stocking filler to me – Merry Christmas to you and yours when it comes! ♥️?
Thanks, Caitlin!
I’m almost 35, I am not a mom but I am in a monogamous relationship. During the 1st two years of college, I was so focused academically that missed a lot of the social life. Once I started dating later on, I had terrible taste in men (verbally abusive, cheaters, etc) . I stayed with my ex for a long time despite these terrible traits & being unhappy. It has taken a lot of time to learn self love, self awareness & the right man, now I feel free to explore what I like/dislike & to own it. I would say in the last 3 years with my current partner, I have really grown into the woman that I am.
What a great post, so open and honest. Intimacy is very challenging after kids especially…what a great last minute stocking stuffer for my hubs. Xo
Would love see more posts about maintaining intimacy and just feeling sexy in general again after children 🙂
Also cannot wait to start seeing pics of the new house decor!
This post could also be titled “Why Help is a Four Letter Word,” – ha!
Great points for empowering women – it’s so true!
I truly appreciate your candidness! I was raised in a home where abstinence was the only option and I was told sex was painful so don’t do it. It’s taken me years…several relationships and now my second marriage to embrace my sexuality. It’s been liberating! I refuse to continue the cycle of fear about sex with my own children.
If women control every aspect in the home including the man and what he does his time what he goes to work and the kids but she doesn’t do her part in the relationship by satisfying him or her obligations to keep it real just do her part then you need to find you a slave I’m in a relationship right now where we’re going at it for 7 years she claims that I don’t do enough to make her feel special but out of a course of 2 and 1/2 months of not getting sex that’s the reason why I don’t do anything to make her feel special it’s because I’m not getting anything out of the relationship if you feel the need to control your man with your body you need to be by yourself men are for the family I’m not all of it man but the men who really want a relationship strive to do what’s best loyal and communicate with female but if every word out of her mouth is if don’t win I need you to do this I need this I need this if you that needy and you don’t want to give back you don’t need to be in a relationship and intimacy needs to be your friend at home by yourself.